This father’s day, with my own interests now deeply entrenched in the tumultuous but heavily rewarding world of fatherhood due to my two young daughters, I’m compelled to write down a few scattered thoughts regarding dads and their role and importance in our society. Special thanks to Mark Alexander at The Patriot Post for his insightful article on this subject, quoted and paraphrased in the smaller font.
“And as to the Cares, they are chiefly what attend the bringing up of Children; and I would ask any Man who has experienced it, if they are not the most delightful Cares in the World.” —Benjamin Franklin
“It is the duty of parents to maintain their children decently, and according to their circumstances; to protect them according to the dictates of prudence; and to educate them according to the suggestions of a judicious and zealous regard for their usefulness, their respectability and happiness.” —James Wilson (1791)
It is quite amazing to me the cause & effect correlation between the overall welfare and quality of development of a child (and society in general) and whether or not that child has the good fortune to benefit from the love, affirmation, discipline and protection of both their mother and father (preferably together under one roof as a family). This correlation is the subject of an article written by the Patriot Post’s Mark Alexander, in which he writes: “Marriage is the foundation of the family, which in turn serves as the foundation for society. “
Broken marriages lead to broken families, which lead to broken societies. The most successful fathering is rooted in a healthy marriage. Therefore, to be good fathers, it becomes obvious we must first be good husbands.
Dr. Jim Lee, director of Living Free ministries, writes that the Christian marriage paradigm is built on a foundation of five principles: “First, God is the creator of the marriage relationship; second, heterosexuality is God’s pattern for marriage; third, monogamy is God’s design for marriage; fourth, God’s plan for marriage is for physical and spiritual unity; and fifth, marriage was designed to be permanent.”
When this pattern is broken, the example we set for our children can and often is gravely and irrevocably damaged or corrupted, leading to staggering consequences. Mr. Alexander provides these statistics, from the United States Centers for Disease Control, Department of Justice, Department of Health and Human Services and the Bureau of the Census:
Children who live apart from their fathers will account for 40 percent of incarcerated adults, 63 percent of teen suicides, 70 percent of juveniles in state-operated institutions, 71 percent of high-school dropouts, 75 percent of children in chemical-abuse centers, 80 percent of rapists, 85 percent of youths in prison, 85 percent of children who exhibit behavioral disorders, and 90 percent of homeless and runaway children.
About eight percent of children in married-couple homes live at or below poverty level, while almost 40 percent of children in homes without fathers live below poverty level. The latter group risks a much higher incidence of serious child abuse or neglect.
Not included in the above is the very common and very severe emotional damage children can suffer from rejection, parental separation due to divorce, emotional abuse, and/or a broken or dysfunctional relationship, (or non-relationship, as it were) with parents during their crucial developmental years. Their emotional development is impeded, resulting finally and ironically in more adults and parents without the emotional faculties to deal with the pressures of adult life, and without the ability or desire to connect, love, nurture, support and actively raise their children as functioning members of society.
It is no small irony that divorced parents were, in all likelihood, themselves the child-victims of generational patterns of familial dissociation and dissolution. Daughters bear a particularly difficult burden in the absence of fathers. A broken father-daughter trust bond can disable the formation of a trust bond with a husband in later life.
As I grow older, and my children grow up, it has become extremely obvious to me that the job I do being a daddy to my wonderful children and seeking God’s guidance in their upbringing may very well be one of the most, if not the single most important part of the work that God has put me on this Earth to do, and a job that I truly relish the opportunity to carry out, despite all my fears and apprehensions regarding my performance at it so far.
I am so glad that my daughters have you for a father. You are a wonderful husband and I love seeing you play with Leah and Lily. You will impact who they are and who they will become. Thank you for loving us and taking such good care of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As told to me by my dad. How mother & father treat each other is how the child will treat their future mate. Bless Tim’s heart, he had no real basis to how to really treat a wife or child. But with patience, tears and more prayers than I can remember. He understands that how he responds to me in front of Allen will some day be the direction that Allen takes with his future spouse. I think that goes along with the saying that you reap what you sow!
I think that your Dad spoke some wise words. I also believe, though, that every man has the ability to break that cycle and start it all over again the right way. It may be the hardest thing he’s ever done, but one of the most important he could ever do in life. I once had an alcoholic and drug-addicted friend clean up for good. One night he told me his father was a hopeless, worthless, criminal drunk, as was his grandfather and great-grandfather before him. We marveled at the thought that because of his choice to clean up for good and raise his sons right, the future of his entire lineage from his generation forward could be drastically different than the failure of his forefathers.